To feel alive
by Sumire1
Summary: Completely alone and unhappy, Ran learns that even his life can have some significance when he meets with a beautiful man with seductive hazel eyes. Kind of AU. KenxRan
1. Prologue Honey happy birthday

Prologue  – Honey happy birthday 

He woke up feeling dizzy, as if the world were turning too fast. He groaned and tried to open the eyes, but the clarity of the room didn't let him. Giving up, he let a sigh and tried to remember what had happened last night.

Fujimiya Ran, teacher of a high class school had completed 26 years the day before. 26 years without someone and still a virgin. Well, until last night, since the few things that flashed through his mind receded sex. Oh yeah… he left work and tried to go home, but couldn't let himself spent another year alone at home, correcting tests and planning classes. So, instead, he drank and went to the most uncommon place someone think he would be – at a brothel.

Well, it wasn't a simple brothel. No… it was some kind of fun house, if one could call that. Expensive enough to only the ones with enough money to pay the highly conceited prostitutes and receive the personal treatment. Well… it happened he was wealthy for this and much more. After all, he was a teacher and an ex-student from Koua High School, the academy that graduated the new leaders of the Japanese society. He now was one of the selected persons that teach in that so high conceited academy.

However, until that day, never crossed his mind to spend his money with prostitutes, or as they called themselves at that house, sex professionals. Since her death he let his birthdays pass without ever knowing it. But yesterday, one of his students had discovered and gave him a necktie as a birthday present. Her smile was so cheerful that immediately he remembered all the painful memories from the past. 

He just wanted to forget to feel that pain. He just wanted to get away for his solitaire life and, for the first time, feel something different.

Opening his amethyst eyes, he saw a strange place. It wasn't his home. He probably was still at the room located in that house. Well… it wasn't some surprise, since he was drunk enough to make home. And sore. Yeah… he let another man have his ways with him. Because of this… was he gay? 

He truly wanted to know, because if it was the case, he could affirm that something in his life was authentic, because everything was just a void. He didn't have nothing, not even emotions. Maybe he had search for a man that night because a man could make him feel pain, to make him feel alive with pain. 

It certainly had hurt, because he was hurting right now in the place where he was ravished. The smell of sex still lingering the room and his one-night lover was there, right by his side, still asleep. Or rather waking up.

The sun-tanned body was spread alongside his, making a strange contrast. While he was lean and sickly pale, the man beside him was well muscled and had that bronze skin which make someone imagine if he did artificial tanning everyday. He was wearing a mask, as all of them, making practically impossible to see his eyes, but he knew that man was with the eyes open.

"Good morning, Mr. Red", said the man in a seductive voice, bringing the name he used inside that house. No one used their real names here. That man right by his side was called Number 001. Interesting way to ranking and identify the professionals of this house…

"I assume that you're alright?", he asked again, this time yawning and stretching while he was sitting at the bed.

"Yes. I think so", he answered, still eyeing the man with the black mask that hid the eyes.

"Would you like another time with me, sir?", the man asked in a business-seduction voice. "I would be more than satisfied to please you again, sir", he smiled seductively and combed the shoulder-length brown hair with the fingertips.

"No. I think I have to go home", he said, trying to sit, but found himself still dizzy because all the alcohol consumed last night. And the pain between his legs, this time, was uncomfortable. 

"Sir, I think you aren't very well yet. Let me call someone of the medical staff…"

"No!", he almost shouted, feeling a light surge of panic invade himself. "I'm alright. I'm just dizzy."

"Ok."

Silence fell for some instants before the sun kissed man directed his words to him again.

"Would you like me to bath you, sir?", asked that seductive voice again. "It's a courtesy of mine, since you gave me something so important last night…"

His eyes went wide with this, trying to remember when had he said about his lack of experience in sex to that man…

"You don't need to tell me, sir", said the man, almost as if he had read his thoughts. "I have experience in this kind of thing, as you can see and I can feel when is someone's first time. I apologize if I had been rude with you sir."

"No, you didn't."

"You shed blood in our joining last night, sir. I know you might be hurt… I apologize for this."

He felt his body grow hot of shame. Last night he had bled like some virginal princess and nonetheless with a prostitute… Why all his life would have to be so damn painful? He got up abruptly and almost fell on the floor, but helpful hands caught him at time. He focused at the concerned face of the man and looking past him, saw the blood at the light sheets that covered the rumpled bed. His blood. Like some pos-nuptial proof, the proof that he was a pathetic man incapable to have a true relationship, and needed the help of some prostitute to give him a little pleasure. But, for him, it was only pain.

"Are you alright, sir?" the man asked worried, making him sit down on the bed.

He only responded with an affirmative gesture and breathed slow, while feeling the soothing hands of his one-night lover combing his long crimson hair, that was unbraided. He never let it unbraid. Not even to sleep. When did he let this happen? Better forget this and everything, because, last night was a break for everything that was normal from him.

"I would like to take a shower before to go home, please", he said, getting up again, this time with the help of "Number 001".

"Would you like me to help you, sir?"

"No. I don't think so. I think I can wash myself."

"As you wish, Mr. Red. Meanwhile, I'll ask for your breakfast."

"I won't eat."

"But you drank too much last night…"

"I just want to go home, please."

"As you wish, sir. Your clothes are on the table beside the sink."

"Thank you. You can go now."

"I hope to see you again at our house in the near future."

"Hm."


	2. Hazel eyes

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own them. That's sad…

Thanks to Chieru for giving me my first review! I'm very happy that you liked it!

So, here it goes the first chapter. There are some lemons here. Be aware of that. And sorry about my lack of English grammar…

1 – Hazel eyes 

He had brought white roses, her favorite flowers. He was one month late to pay his visit. He always spent by her side his birthdays, but since what have happened one month ago, he didn't have courage enough to see her again. How could he explain this to her?

"I let someone use me as a sex toy", he said, without knowing that the words echoed his thoughts.  "I gave myself a first time with a prostitute for my birthday present."

He kneeled down before her and let his face repose at the cold surface of the grave. What he could say? They never had any secrets to each other, since they were children and now, that she had become an angel, who watched him day and night, would be impossible to maintain the happenings from a month ago. 

"Sorry for being a coward and not telling before about this… But, the truth is, Aya, I am terrible alone without you… I'll never be someone again without your presence, my dear sister…", he could feel his eyes burning, but didn't let the tears fall. He had promised her he would never cry when she was gone. Nevertheless, this promise, sometimes, was difficult to accomplish. 

"I'm an egoist, I know… I wanted to have you by my side when you were so ill… but you were my reason to live… Without our parents, I only had you… I only made as a teacher of Koua Academy because of you… And now… I am empty. I do not know what to do… Please, help me Aya, help me to get out of this world. I want to be with father, mother and you. I don't want to live." 

Before he could prevent, the tears were falling. Two years and he had broken his promise. The tears would not stop and all of his body begun to jerk with the hiccups. He was broken and alone. She was his only light after the accident that killed their parents. Now… he had no one.

 "Hey, man, are you feeling alright?", asked a strange voice. He could feel the person kneel beside his bending form and put a hand at his back. The warm touch of someone. Like if someone, besides his sister, would care about him.

However, he could not let himself to answer that kind voice. The tears did not let. He only wished that the tears could let him go away from this world.

The hands, however, did not let him. They tried to make him compose himself and slowly he was submitting to the kindness of a strange, letting himself be rise and get on his feet. His eyes were facing the ground, seeing the tears that were still falling. The always gentle hands came to his face, rising him and he felt a fine cloth trying to wipe the tears.

When he was himself again, he let the eyes open up and was rewarded with a pair of brilliant hazel eyes, that seemed to shine in surprise. His amethyst eyes immediately recognized him despite he never saw those shining eyes before. They looked at each other like it was the first time, but in a sense, it was. 

The bronze hand came to his face again, with the cloth, drying the path the tears had made. It was a gentle touch. Just like everything in him. Everything he could remember about that only time he was with another person.

"I'm sorry", said both at the same time, getting in an uncomfortable silence, but never taking the eyes of each other. It was as if they were trapped inside each other eyes…

"I-I couldn't have interrupted your, sir… But I thought that you might be hurt and…", Ran let his hand move of it's own accord to touch that red lips and silence him.

"Thank you", he said after a time, letting go the sensation of those cool lips in his fingertips.

"You're always welcome…", said the man, getting his hand before he could move away. 

With the free hand, the man with hazel eyes touched that fairy skin. That face almost too beautiful to be real, even with the tears' marks, which make him even more enticingly. He would never know why, but it seemed that that beautiful redhead used some kind of magnet that made his lips taste each other.

It was a simple touch, enough to send electricity through his body and make him wake up from that haziness, jerking his body from the other's touch. 

"I'm sorry, sir, I-I didn't know what I was doing… I'm sorry…", said the hazel-eyed man bowing his head.

He only looked at the man, who was visibly regretted with the spontaneous gesture. He didn't know what to say and the silence became unbearable. 

"I have to go ", he finally said, giving his back to the other man.

"Wait!", the calling was almost desperate, which make him turn back to see that man with eyes almost too bright. "Y-you forgot something at our house."

With this, he became intrigued. What he could possibly let at that place?

"A book. A book with poetry. I'm sorry if I read it. But there were things so beautiful written …"

So it was there where his favorite poetry book was…

"You can have it", he said after a long time, only contemplating those eyes which shone almost with hope. "I can buy another."

"Y-You're right? I can let someone at the reception return it to you, sir…"

"Don't mind with this. I'm giving the book to you."

The smile was almost too painful for him to see, because it reminded of her always-bright smiles. Why did some prostitute, with so beautiful hazel eyes would remind his sister in that so spontaneous smile?

"Thank you, sir. I'll always treasure this", with a last smile, he give his back to him and both went their ways separately.

***

He didn't know why, but his feet guided him through the entire path to this place – the discreet tree-story house, with well-made gardens and two attractive young men at the front as receptionists. They greeted cheerfully all the fine and rich men that arrived. Expensive cars made their stop at the front of that house all the time and the place's chauffeur took the keys from their owners to park their vehicles. 

He had an expensive car too, but he always came to work by feet, since the academy was only a few blocks from his home and after the classes he liked to stay at the coffee shop that were at the end of the school's street. There he could read a book or even correct some tests, since their owners get used with his presence. But not this time. This time his feet took him by front of that house again. This time, he was sober enough to know where he was.

Since that strange encounter one week ago, he could not let those hazel eyes and that smile out of his mind. It was almost a call and this night all the denial to go there from the past week have been in vain. He wanted to feel alive again and know that someone would care about him, even as if he would pay for this.

"Good night, sir", a helpful voice greeted him. He was in front of the house, being greeted by the two hosts. Not answering their compliment, he only let himself enter at that house and be guided by a host to one of the tables in that bar which occupied all the first floor. 

He could see the handsome boys with masks talking, kissing and doing another things with their respective clients. Some of them were dancing, and others were going upstairs, where the rooms were.

"In which can we be helpful? There are some of our boys you have your eyes set?"

It was the question he most wanted and unwanted to hear. And before he could see the menu of pretty faces disposed before his eyes and say the name, or rather, the number, another voice came behind them.

"Good night, Mr. Red. If you want, I can take care of you again, sir." 

It did not need him to face the owner of that voice. He knew exactly who it was. He came here unconsciously to see him again, why would he deny that offer? With just a nod, one of the hosts distanced himself and let only he and the "Number 001". 

"I hope I can be a good company for you tonight, sir", he said, the eyes behind that mask almost piercing his. He made a movement to sit beside Ran and the teacher just give him enough space.

"Can I touch you, sir?", came the question, as if the man was almost afraid to displease him.

"I-I don't mind", Ran answered, bringing a smile at those lips.

Before he knew it, cool fingertips were at his face and neck, caressing and he closed the eyes. Soon lips almost too gently came and he could feel the heat being rise inside of him, a kind of sensation Ran never felt before in his life. When those lips came upon his, he let a moan escape and submitted to all the sensations this man was giving to him.

The tongue went almost too wildly inside his mouth and for the first time, since he could remember, he felt the caress of a kiss. Hesitantly he imitated the movements that experienced tongue was doing and soon he was inside of a sensual battle for control, which he lost of course. 

Being lowered to the cool cushions of the seat where they were, Ran let his necktie be undone and helpful fingertips unbutton his shirt. Soon those lips were on his neck and he couldn't think straight. The hands roamed through his body, almost too hungry to touch him, letting go his suit and in an instant, everything was gone.

He was breathing hard, almost as if he was running wildly and he could feel his partner was experiencing the same sensation. A provocative tongue licked Ran's lips in a most sensuous way.

"Would we get a room? Or do you prefer to have the intercourse here?", asked that husky voice, making Ran feel the intensity of that eyes he couldn't see well behind that mask.

"…a room… I think I prefer a room", he said after a long time trying to catch his voice back. 

The man smiled seductively and helped him to sit down. With just a gesture, one of the hosts came.

"Mr. Red and I need to get a room. Would you please make his account?", he said in business-like tone at the same time he was caressing affectionately Ran's hands.

"In a moment", said the host, coming with a machine in which Ran introduced his credit card, making the debt automatically. "Thank you sir"; said the host, giving his most trained smile, "and have a good time here".

He got up with the help of his companion, who guided him by the hand until the stairs, which take to the rooms on the second floor.  

The room, this time, was decorated with dark. The bed sheets where black just like the furniture here: a loveseat and a desk with some kind of things used for sex. There was no mirror, like in the other room he woke up that first time, and dark candles illuminated the room, giving a sacred aspect to the place. There were black silk curtains and behind them a bathtub with hot water.

Ran heard the door close behind him and felt hands take his waist; turning to the man he was to spend the night with. A hand went to his face, inclining him and again those lips fell on his, making him just want to drown in these sensations.

Slowly, without stop the kissing and fondling, they were moving towards the bed and Ran sat at the edge with slightly distanced legs. His lover's knee opened up the distance, coming in the middle of them, almost making him cry with the pressure of that knee on his crotch.

Hesitantly the prostitute's lips removed from his and he caressed the teacher's face affectionately, like a real lover would do. Sweet kisses were left on his face and Ran tried to touch that well-built body in front of him. 

Gentle hands roamed through his torso, until they found the shirt buttons and, slowly, begun to unfasten one by one, discovering all of that smooth skin that almost burned to feel the touch. He tried to take the shirt the man was using but didn't have enough will when fingertips touched one pale nipple. 

His shirt was discarded on the floor and he let the man lie him down at the black sheets. The pressure on his groin continued and at the same time, he felt a tongue lavish one of his nipples, making him moan quietly. The hands unfastened the belt and soon the buttons, opening his trousers.

He could feel his sex came to life and a sweet touch on it made Ran almost jump of the bed. He never knew that shared intimacy would be so mind-blowing. Slowly the trousers were undone and he was naked before those hidden eyes. A seductive smile formed in those lips and Ran let his eyes close, feeling himself almost without breath.

A tongue came almost unexpectedly on his organ and he almost cried with pleasure. At the same time fingertips surrounded his member giving enough pressure as those lips and that hot mouth stimulated him without mercy until he reached the climax. 

Breathing hard and deeply Ran slowly released the sheets he was clenching without knowing. The intense pleasure and the feel of the man's presence still there made him self-conscious and wanting. With a kiss, he involved his one-night lover at the neck and tasted himself on his mouth. He felt the heat of the other body as naked as his and the erect member which was pulsing against his abdomen.

"Take me… please…", he asked, separating their mouths, looking at the hidden eyes of his lover. "Take me now, please, and make me feel. Make me feel all of you… Please…"

"As you wish, my beautiful. I'm all yours to do everything you want", he answered with some lingering kisses on his face.

Hands went to his waist, making him sit at the bed and soon they were in his hair, unbraiding it, making the long tresses cascading at his back. The fingers combed through them and his paid-lover approached to feel the smell, making Ran close the eyes with the proximity.

Slick fingers probed at his entrance, making him squirm beneath that touch. His head felt at his one-night lover's shoulder and he was gasping, trying to fight against the discomfort and the pleasure as another finger went inside of him. He was being so patient, so gentle… so different than the last time… As if Ran could remember very well all that happened that night. He only wanted to feel the man inside of him no matter what and didn't let him prepare his untouchable body. However, that time he was drunk and now he was sober. Now he let his paid lover do as was right. Another finger entered and he could swear he would be able to die in this state.

Then the fingers left him, vacating his body so abruptly. His breathing was ragged, he couldn't think straight and his hands held the prostitute's shoulders. Firm hands grip his waist, lifting him slightly to make him sit slowly at the engorged member of his paid lover waiting almost impatiently. He felt the member probe at his entrance and looked at the masked man. He made a face almost as if he was asking something and Ran only nodded almost imperceptibly, letting him know that he was ready. Or thought he was ready.

That organ invading his body entered slowly, but not without pain. Ran moaned quietly, leaning the face on his shoulders, clinging his lover under the arms. His nails scratched the bronzed skin as the member went, as if this was sufficient to made him feel no pain. Ran was almost without breath when the organ went completely inside of him.

"Breathe", said the husky voice of his paid lover, as if he was struggling against the will to ravish Ran right there without warning, like that first time. Coming back to himself, Ran begun to breath again in little gasps and the man begun to move inside of him, sending a shiver of pain mixed with pleasure.

Another movement and Ran was lost to the world, wanting only to feel that man inside of him. The more his breathing became short, faster were the pace. He was trying to find the right speed to encounter his paid lover's and soon, let himself fall on his back at the bed taking his one-night lover with him, wrapping his waist with the legs. He never letting Ran's body and going inside and out almost too fast. The sound of their altered breathing and the movements of the two sweated bodies invaded the room illuminated by the candles, making dancing shadows of the two one-night lovers in their joining that night.

Spilling his seed inside of the protection he wore, the prostitute let himself be prostrated on top of his client, gradually their breathing coming to normality again and the feel of the each other's body, hot and sweated, giving them enough time to regain their composure.

"Thank you…", murmured Ran, embracing the golden body on top of his. "Thank you…", he repeated, kissing the tanned face above his.

"You're so beautiful…", said the prostitute, regaining his voice and looking to the face his hands caressed. "So beautiful and sad that makes me want to give you everything this night, only to make you happy… Ask me anything and I'll give it to you."

"I just want to spend all this night with you. With only you by my side this night", said Ran, closing the eyes and embracing even stronger that well-built body.

They had sex during many times that night, stopping only to have a little nap. When the day broke, they had a bath, as a late courtesy promised by the prostitute and said goodbye to each other with lingering and heating kisses.

* * *


	3. Sweet afternoons

Hello!! Here I am again. It's been some time, since I did the last update… Well, I hope you are really liking this fic. And thanks to everyone that sent heir comments. I cherish each one. 

And not this is only a new chapter but a special occasion! 

Meet my beta-reader: Lobsters-chan!

So, now I think that the English will be spelled correctly. If not, blame, this time Lobsters. I am now just the writer. ^_~

tezuka eiri – I know, this fic has a sad narrative, but I like the things this way. Hum… but I can't guarantee that if this will end bad or good. Usually I prefer happy endings. Let's see, it's too early to decide on anything like this. 

And this chapter will be in honor of my beta Lobster, since she likes those cute moments when Ran, Ken, children and soccer mix in a tentative to make our dear boys to become close to each other.

Good reading!

2 – Sweet afternoons 

Almost two months had passed since that maddening night and Ran never came back there neither saw that man with enticing hazel eyes. It seemed almost as if all had been a dream. A crazy dream that sometimes he would sometimes hope to never occur again, yet other times he would crave for this. Nevertheless, being so close to the students' finals kept him completely occupied, not giving him an opportunity to ponder the events of that night.

Right now he was at the café, correcting some tests his students finished earlier. Some girls were bold enough to let him little declarations of their "undying love". Adolescent infatuation. Soon they would find real boyfriends and forget him. Just like everyone. He didn't have anyone to remember him. Judging by the way that things were, it seemed he would never have.

"Fujimiya-san…", the café owner's voice interrupted him from his depressive thoughts. He lifted his head to see the mid-forties woman with piercing,  black eyes and matching, which she had tied back in a ponytail. She had a disconcerted smile on her face.

"How may I help you, Hanaoto-san?" he asked, looking away from the tests. 

"Sorry for disturbing you, Fujimiya-san, but someone let something here for you earlier this afternoon."

"For me? Are you sure?", he was surprised. He barely knew anyone – let alone to receive something without asking…

"Yes, I'm pretty sure about this, Fujimiya-san. It was a man about your age or so. He asked me if you were a regular customer in our house, and described you perfectly to me. Then, he let this package to give to you, saying he was returning the gentleness..."

"Package?" Ran asked without understanding, eyeing the neatly wrapped package that rested in the woman's hands.

"Is it alright to give it to you?" she asked again.

"Well… since it was for me…", he said while taking the packaged object from the woman. "I'm a bit curious… I don't remember…" he opened the package to see a perfect copy of the book he had forgotten at that house. Or better yet, he gave to that beautiful prostitute with hazel eyes.

He felt his hands tremble and the woman eyed him, asking if he was all right. He nodded and dismissed her, leaving him alone again with the book. Laying the object on the table, he only contemplated it without touching, trying to think if it was really that man who sent this book or if it was another person who knew about Ran's two escapades. 

With trembling hands, he opened the velvety, blue hard cover with printed silver letters to peer inside. It was the same book, only that this was new. It smelled like something fresh, as if it was just recently bought from a bookstore. His eyes lay on the envelope, containing a small text written in neat calligraphy. 

_"I'm sorry for being too forward by sending you a present, but I had to express my gratitude by giving you something valuable. Since I know nothing of you, this was the best way to say that your present is my most cherished possession. I love every word inside this book and I am assuming you have the same feeling for it, too. _

_I waited these past months for your presence, but I know you must have another personal matters to occupy yourself. By chance, I saw you yesterday at this café and assumed you must be a regular visitor. I don't want anything from, I only desired to return your gentleness._

_Sincerely_

_Hidaka Ken"_

Hidaka Ken…

A name he never heard before but it sounded almost too familiar to him. The name of the man with hazel eyes. Giving his name was more than a present for Ran, since he had no friends whom gave him presents like this to name. 

Ran closed his eyes, trying to make his racing heart stop. He repeatedly read that written message and could almost hear that voice speak those heartfelt words. He almost didn't notice when tears escaped through his eyes. Immediately he gathered his things and left the café, so he could be cry alone in peace. 

***

An internal turmoil followed the next couple of days. Ran couldn't think straight due to the present he received from someone who apparently cared for him. It was so unreal for him to believe, that he read that small letter in blue paper every time.

The good sensation of being remembered by someone soon was replaced by a kind of fear. A fear that the only thing that man wanted was to threaten him, because of knowing who he was, and extort him in exchange for his silence. He didn't know what to think. If only he could meet that man again… But he didn't have courage enough to return to that place again.

Waving to some of his students, he went to the teachers' lounge, where some of his colleagues talked with each other. They rarely paid any attention to him, since he was so closed to the others. But in reality, they had some kind of grudge against him, since he came from a traditional family and the director always used his good example to compare them to. He didn't like this attention and didn't have the confidence to talk to them, and the teachers always ended up thinking that Ran was a kind of snob, who never would direct his "precious" words to some bunch of common teachers.

"I heard you received a promotion from the director Sakurada, Fujimiya-sensei…" one of his colleagues acknowledged him.

Ran looked to the man who said those words: blond, short hair and blue eyes that held a subtle contempt. He was one of the most popular teachers at the school, since all of the girls liked him for his cool attitude towards the students. On the other hand, Ran never did anything to gain the sympathy of the students and was idolized for the girls the same way. Perhaps this brought jealousy and anger by the other man's part.

"Yes, I think so… However, other teachers were contemplated too, not only me. It's because of the good student's grades in our teaching subjects during the finals last week" he answered while opening the locker with his name and picking up some books.

"Are you saying I don't teach well, Fujimiya-sensei?" he asked in an almost defiant tone.

Ran only looked at him and shook slightly his head.

"It is you that are assuming this, Amano-sensei. I never said anything about your teachings, which I presume must be good, since the students have great regard for you." 

Irritated, the man took him by the tie, forcing Ran against the lockers, making a loud noise, which brought the other teacher's attention and some fearful comments.

"Repeat what you said right now, Fujimiya-sensei! Repeat and I break your bones!" said the man, almost screaming, while Ran only tried to get himself out of Amano's grip.

"Amano-sensei! Let him go!"

"This is a school, for God's sake! If you have something against Fujimiya-sensei, do it off school grounds."

"We have students whom could show up at the door at any moment!"

"What will the director think if he sees something like this happening?"

The other teachers were trying to dispel Amano's desire to initiate a fight, while Ran didn't have motives to begin. He didn't understand why all this aggression was targeted for him.

"Please, Amano-sensei. I don't want to fight against you, nor did I mean to offend you. If it was the case, I'm sorry. I didn't measure my words." Ran said, looking into the other man's eyes and holding back the hand that griped his tie. 

"I don't believe anything you just said!" he growled, irritated. "But you'll pay if this gets to the director's ears." With a brute gesture, he let Ran go, almost knocking him off balance.

"You'll pay for your insolence, Fujimiya Ran!" he called back while exiting the room.

"He's having some problems at home with the wife sick and all…" said one of the teachers. 

"We hope you made the right discretion, Fujimiya-sensei…"

"You don't need to ask me that, Shimada-sensei. I know how to be discreet." he said to a man with gray hair. "Sorry, but I have to go now." Catching the books on the floor, he recomposed himself again and exited through the door.

He really didn't understand why Amano-sensei directed so much enmity at him. He never said anything rude or vaguely offensive to the man, so why does his colleague apparently hate him so much? He only wanted to be in peace, never thought to offend anyone – much less a teacher, a fellow worker. So Amano-sensei was married and the wife was sick… Why didn't anyone tell him this? Did they think he was insensitive to their problems? On the contrary, he was preoccupied! Mostly now, for the man became so aggressive against him. If he needed something, Ran would be glad to help him in anyway necessary. Maybe even get beaten by him, if it would ease the problems Amano-sensei was having.

He never saw what happened straight away, because the force of the ball hitting him sent Ran and the books he was carrying to the ground. He heard some children's voices and saw the mark on his suit of from the dirt the ball was carrying.

"I'm sorry, sir! We didn't see you coming this way, but you came onto our soccer field..." It was a strange voice and at the same time oddly familiar. When Ran lifted his face, his eyes immediately locked onto the intense brightness of hazel eyes that widened with the same feelings of surprise and disbelief.

"Ken-niichan! Aren't we gonna continue the game?" A child's voice broke that almost infinite moment of recognition and the man – Ken-niichan – looked at the boy and smiled to him while waving.

"I'm coming, Masaru-kun! Just wait a moment!" he said in an almost cheerful voice, turning towards Ran and smiling almost too shyly at him. "I'm sorry, sir…" he helped Ran to collect the things his ball had scattered when he saw the book.

"I-Its not a problem…" Ran answered looking to him who, in turn, was looking at the book. "Thank you", he said when the man looked at him again. A light smile spread over his trough his flushing face and Ran almost smiled, too.

When Ran got up, he was preparing to go home again, the man's voice stopped him.

"Would you mind waiting for me?" he said, facing the field. "I-I just wanted to talk to you. But if you don't want to, I can understand…"

"It's not a problem". Ran said, trying to clean the stain the ball had left.

The man smiled openly, which made Ran feel a slight pain in his chest. 

"Thank you, sir. There are some benches there." he said, pointing to the place at the side of the field. "Our practice is almost finishing."

Ran nodded and went to the place where the man indicated. Off in the distance, he saw the children, mostly boys and some girls ask him something, since Ran couldn't hear he only saw the shy smile that formed on those lips. Ran spent the next minutes watching him run up and down the field, giving orders and teaching the children the game, which he seemed know by heart. The children appeared to be fond of him, since he always gave a smile or an encouraging word to them with their efforts at the game.

When the game finished, some parents appeared to get their children and speak with him. He almost acted like one of the children, with his sincere smiles and shyness. When the last children waved his goodbyes to him, he took the ball under his left arm and started in Ran's direction. 

"I'm sorry to make you wait, sir."

"You seem to like being with the kids…" said Ran, without realizing he did, widening his lone, violet eyes. The other man only smiled to him in that so shy way.

"Thank you. I really like to be with them. It makes me forget…" he answered, sitting beside Ran, letting the ball fall on the ground, rolling it between his feet.

"Hm." Was the only thing Ran could bring himself to say before an uncomfortable silence fell between both men. He couldn't understand why he had waited for the man. He didn't want him to know that the book and the letter meant so much to him. He didn't want the other to know that that single initiative could affect Ran so much. He didn't want the other suspect that Ran was a vulnerable person.

 Immediately Ran got up, preparing to leave, but a gentle hand gripped his wrist, making him stop and turn back. Pleading hazel eyes seemed to look through him, as if they knew his deepest secrets, almost as if he knew what his presence caused to Ran.

"So-sorry… I… I didn't want to make you uncomfortable" said the man letting Ran's arm go lightly. "I know it is somewhat bold for me to ask… but I hope you liked the book…"

Ran sighed lightly and closed the eyes, opening them again only to focus at the expecting face the other presented. "Yes. I am thankful. It was something I never expected…"

"Neither was I, when you gave me something so precious."

The smile on his face was distant and Ran couldn't let himself look the other way. Now the silence was bearable. It was as if they had known each other for a long time, but Ran wanted to know more about him. And at the same time didn't want to know him.

"I wanted to ask you something, sir…" said the man, breaking the silence for the second time.  

Ran looked at his face almost desperately. He knew that he would certainly ask something, like money, or threaten him about their past encounters. If Amano-sensei knew about this, certainly he would relate it to the director and soon Ran would be out of the school.

"Please… you never said you name…"

"Wh-why do you want my name?" asked Ran, frightened.

The other man only smiled serenely.

"Because I'd like to know the name of the person who was so gentle with me for the first time in my life."

For this Ran wasn't expecting. What could he say?

"Fujimiya Ran" his tongue formed the answer without his consent. His brain wasn't working well with his heart racing so fast. Especially when he smiled that way with his response.

"Fujimiya _Ran_… A beautiful name. Just like you, Fujimiya-san" he said, looking at Ran for a long, who didn't know what to do. Glancing at his watch, the man collected the ball under the arm and straightened himself up.

"Sorry… I wanted to stay here and talk to you the rest of the afternoon, but it's my time. I need to go. Will we see each other again?"

"I-I don't know… Maybe… You're here everyday?"

"Yes. If you like, come to see the children play" he said, smiling sweetly. "I'll make sure you never get boring. They're full of surprises."

"I'll try."

"Okay. I'll wait for you tomorrow, Fujimiya-san!" He waved, smiling almost too brightly and went to the opposite path Ran would take to go home. 

When he disappeared from his view, Ran got himself up and took the books he left on the bench. Sighing heavily, he let his legs take him back to home, where he knew he'd never get to sleep.

***

Just as he had thought during all of his classes that day, his feet took him to the same place where he saw that man – Hidaka Ken or Ken-niichan like the kids call him – the day before. He got to arrive a little earlier than the previous day and could see the children gather around him, while he was smiling at them a spontaneity Ran never thought he was capable. He seemed freer than their last encounters – he really seemed to belong there.

When their eyes met, Ran felt a heat going up and down his body, sufficiently enough to make his face flush, as if he was just an adolescent. On the other hand, he could see a faint tint of red on that sun kissed face. He waved to Ran and was repaid with a nod from the silent redhead who took his seat from the day before.

The children again addressed him, and this time Ran could hear some of their questions, curious to know who was the strange they met yesterday and who was coming to watch the game today. They wanted to know if Ran was a father, who wanted to put his child in the team or if Ran was a friend of "Ken-niichan", which he promptly answered as a "yes". Immediately Ran felt his face grow hot and just concentrated on watching the game begin, instead of pondering that declaration.

Just like the day before, some children went to their houses alone or their parents appeared to take them. One or another talked with their "coach", is what they would address him when couldn't call him "Ken-niichan". After the field cleared, both he and Ran were alone again.

Sweating, he wiped the face with the towel on his shoulders and came, jogging a little in Ran's direction. He was smiling.

"Could you wait a moment, please?" he asked. "I need to take a shower" Without more explanations, he went to the showers and Ran waited patiently for him. Minutes later, the man with bronze skin emerged properly dressed and fresh from a cold shower after the game.

"Thank you for your patience" he said, smiling to Ran. "The children today were quite agitated with your presence. Some of them asked if you was a 'looker', searching for new soccer talents."

Ran didn't know what to say. He wasn't used to have simple conversations. Since her death, he never interacted with anyone, closing himself to the people and the world, not wanting to feel again.

"Fujimiya-san?" his name pronounced by that voice made him almost jump.

"So-sorry… I wasn't paying attention…" he apologized. 

"I hope I'm not being a burden…"

"No, no, please. I… I like to talk to you, Hidaka-san."

He smiled at this statement.

"Really?" he asked, in which Ran just nodded in a "yes". "Thank you. When the kids asked about you, I wasn't lying when I said you were my friend. You're the first person I can talk to properly after all these years."

"I-I think I can say the same…"

"Do you consider me as a friend?" he asked with an almost shy smile.

"Ye-yes… If you don't mind…"

"Thank you Fujimiya-san" he said, inclining to kiss Ran's face chastely. "Call me Ken, please. I'd like to hear my name coming from the mouth of a friend."

"Sure… Ken." He felt something heavy leaving his consciousness when said that name. For the first time that day, he looked to those eyes and discovered how much comfortable he was at Ken's presence. Without removing his eyes of him, he said:

"I think I'd like to reciprocate the gentleness. It would be good to hear someone calling me by my name again. Please."

"I am more than honored to have so great consideration from you, Ran…" said Ken, getting close to him and smiling childishly. Getting up from the bench immediately, Ken went back to Ran, who was just watching his sudden movements.

"I almost forgot! I wanted to invite you to eat a cake in a bakery nearby. Mainly now, that we became friends. Would you accept my invitation?" he asked with that same smile.

"Yes. If it won't be a problem…"

"Of course it won't! I have your company during all the rest of the afternoon and a part of the night. We can talk and talk and eat delicious things. I was thinking to get out of my diet someday. Today would be a great opportunity."

While he was talking, he helped Ran to get himself up and walked with the silent redhead by his side on the path to the cake shop. Ran just content to hear him speak and Ken just satisfied to chatter to Ran.

The next days were the same. Ran finished his classes, almost anxious to meet Ken at the soccer field in the park at the route from his house. He never lost time again at the teacher's lounge, giving them more speculations about him, mainly after the incident with Amano-sensei. Besides, he never cared what they would think about his actions. He only wanted to meet Ken, the only person that could make him feel almost human again.

With his smiles and his sweet conversation, Ran let himself stay in his company until it was time for Ken to go to work. He had compromises during the nighttime and Ran knew exactly what these compromises were, but he never said anything about this neither did Ken. It seemed that their briefs encounters in the past weren't more than a dream. Forgotten dreams that they both never wanted to bring again, fearing to shatter the fragile relationship of mutual companion they had developed.

And Ken and his conversation were always sufficient to distract Ran from thinking about those unsettling things that could make them distant from each other. He could hear the hazel-eyed man talk about soccer, one of his preferred topics and talk about the children he coached. He knew every one of them and knew all his wants, almost as if he was a kind of a collective older brother. Ken knew that Ran was a teacher, and choose that path instead of a banker like his father, wanting to follow his mother's path, who was an exceptional teacher and taught at the same school he was teaching. However, he never let himself tell Ken about their deaths and his sister death. He couldn't bring himself to talk about it. Not that he didn't trust Ken, but he didn't trust himself, to fall again in a shell of loneliness, emptiness and distance from Ken, who had become the only thing that really did mean something to him in the world. A part of him that Ran liked and never wanted to separate from it now that he had found it.


	4. White Christmas

Oh my, oh my!

It's been more than one year since my last update…

Real life sucks…

I hope someone still want to read this one.

Hum… since Lobsters-chan is busy with real life too, I am right now without a beta reader. Anyone who wants to candidate, feel free to do so, since this chapter is completely without a decent beta reader and my English isn't the best one…

So, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Be aware of the lemons!

As always, the characters aren't mine (just the ones that you never heard of ), but since they're too good to be together, I'm helping them with this little piece of my mind.

3 – White Christmas

When Ran finished his teaching that day, he put away the books in his locker and didn't worry to say goodbyes to his colleagues. It was the same routine everyday. The other teachers looked at each other, making faces while Ran left the room.

Outside, some of his students waved their goodbyes to him and Ran answered with a nod, leaving the school's gate, mixing with the crowd of the students and pedestrians passing there at that time. Letting his feet guide him, Ran begun to take the park route.

"Good afternoon, Fujimiya-sensei", a cheerful voice greeted him before Ran could turn the corner. He raised the eyes and saw a very attractive man with bronzed skin and shoulder-length brown hair framing the smiling face. The hazel eyes looked almost too cheerful to him, almost making Ran smile back.

"Good afternoon, 'Ken-niichan'. I thought that you'd be at the park", he answered.

"I asked a day off", said Ken, looking at Ran intensely. "So, I have all this afternoon and the night to spend with you."

"Is there some kind of special occasion to do this?", he asked, curious.

Ken smiled eagerly and let himself move away from the bike he was leaning on to approach from Ran.

"Because I decided to commemorate a day that became important to me again." He paused, the eyes still intense, almost making the silent redhead shiver with those bright hazel eyes.

"I… suppose it's your birthday?" Ran asked, receiving an affirmative answer. "You should tell me before… I could give you a present…"

"To be with you today is more than a special present to me. Can I ask you this?" His smile this time, made Ran answer with a shy smile, feeling his face grow hot.

"Yes…" He answered, looking at the sidewalk.

"Thank you, Ran." Ken said, lifting his head, making Ran look to his still smiling face. "So… let's go? I know of a good restaurant where we can dinner at." He pointed to the bike.

"It's yours?" he asked curious.

"Yes, yes. I bought this baby last year. Birthday present. But nothing compares to the present you're giving me today." Getting one of the helmets, he let Ran use it while he put his own and seat on the bike, followed by Ran who seated behind him and put the hands on his hips to hold himself. Ken started the bike and soon both were distant from the school and some curious eyes that had the opportunity to see them part.

"…at the end of the game, there he was, totally naked! In front of the entire stadium!"

Ken let a cheerful laugh echoes through the cool atmosphere of the nice restaurant while he and Ran let themselves enjoy the pleasant dinner. As always, Ken was the center of their small conversations and this time he was telling Ran something that had happened some years ago, when he was part of a soccer team. Ran let an open smile spread through his face, due to the scene and mainly because of Ken. He was so at ease with him. And today was no exception. On the contrary, he was feeling exceptionally good. As if he wasn't capable of any sad thought.

"And you, Ran? You didn't tell me what is to be a teacher." Ken asked curious.

"Ah… There isn't much to talk… Just planning classes, correcting tests and so on…" He said, feeling unhappy for his life to be so without great moments.

"But there must happen something interesting… Do your students like you?"

"I think so."

"Does the girls like you?" Asked Ken, smiling mischievously to Ran, making him redden a little. "Ah! I knew it! Bet that they let some love declarations in their tests!" This time Ran became slightly redder than before, which make Ken's eyes widen. "Really? Wow! I didn't know that they were so bold these days! Well… but who can blame the poor girls… They have a very handsome teacher to fill their juvenile fantasies!" Now Ran was a deep shade of red, which make Ken smile warmly.

"Stop this!" Said Ran almost too shy, wanting to hide himself from that embarrass he was feeling.

Ken just smiled and shook the head.

"I didn't know you would feel so uncomfortable with this! So you are really timid!" He said with that smile on his face. Ran recovered his pose and sighed.

"Let's change the subject, please?" He asked, eating some of the salad.

"As you wish, my beautiful sensei." Said Ken, winking to him, making Ran feel the heat coming up to his face again.

The dinner followed with the same warm atmosphere. Ken paid the bill, not letting Ran do this for him, even being his birthday. He said that Ran's presence that night was more than enough to be a great present for him. Then, they went to the park, where Ken teaches soccer to the children. It was cold that night, so both of them went out of he restaurant using their coats. They sat at the bench where Ran always watched Ken during those afternoons and a comfortable silence fell upon both men. It wasn't necessary any words this time, because the presence of the other was enough to fill the emptiness they both shared, as if they waited for each other to feel alive again.

Without warning, Ken let his hand slip inside Ran's hand, startling the teacher with his gesture. Both of them looked at each other, surprised with their actions: Ken who let his hand slip and Ran who held it. Both of them became slightly red but didn't let that contact go. Their eyes were locked on each other's, almost as if they were capable to understand what the other was thinking.

Inclining slightly, Ken approached his face from Ran's and could feel the heat caused by the breathing of the other. That sensation made him remember those two maddening nights they spent together as paid-lovers. The heat and the passion both of them shared in the secrecy of a room would never be forget by Ken and he was sure that Ran was thinking the same thing, since he was trembling slightly and his breathing was a little faster than before.

It didn't take much time to happen what succeeded. With the other proximity, Ran let his eyes close at the same time Ken inclined to him, capturing his lips in a delicate caress. Immediately both opened the eyes, looking frightening and at the same time hopeful. Their hands never letting the other go.

"It's snowing…" Said Ken, looking at the snowflakes that begun to fall around them.

"Yes…" Murmured Ran, without taking his eyes of him, but looking at the flakes that fell on Ken's head.

"We should go now…" Ken said almost too hesitantly, beginning to get up from the bench, when Ran pulled his hand.

"Please… I… I don't want to go home. Not tonight… Please…" Ran's words reflected his feelings and without warning, pulled Ran at his direction, embracing the redhead tightly.

"I don't want to be away from you. Not tonight." Said Ken while looking to the flustered face before his eyes. With the hands he touched delicately that face to feel the coolness of his skin and they both inclined to each other to share a kiss, this time more than a simple caress, putting fire at the feelings that resurfaced since their first encounters.

Letting go of each other almost too hesitantly, both men faced the other for a long time. Their agitated breathing making little clouds of hot air before their reddened mouths. Without saying a word, Ken took Ran's hand and guided him to the sidewalk, where his bike was parked. Immediately Ran mounted at the bike behind Ken, lacing his hands at Ken's waist timidly.

They searched for some place where they could be this night and only found vacancy at a high-class hotel at the end of the city. This time of the year all the hotels where full because of the festivities. Getting the keys, they both didn't wait for the host to guide them to their room. Getting inside of the luxurious penthouse, both men attacked each other's mouths to feel again that taste so much neglected all those past months, when they were trying to know each other properly.

Closing the door soundly with their bodies, Ken pressed Ran against the cold wood, making the redhead feel defenseless before this kind of feeling. He couldn't fight against this and would never want to. He was just submitting himself to this because he permitted it. Because he wanted to feel everything about Ken, who was the first person with whom he shared this kind of intimacy.

"I want all of you…", said Ken, between kisses and caresses, the ragged voice full of desire. "I want to devour you completely… God help me or I'll commit some kind of madness."

"So take me already." Said Ran, trying to sound more confident with his trembling voice and hard breathing. "Make me feel all of you tonight, so I can never forget you." While he spoke, his hands roamed to Ken's bags, trying to unfasten them, to prove what he wanted.

Obeying his eager lover, Ken helped him to unfasten the trousers, freeing Ran, letting both of them only with their torsos hidden by the shirts that they didn't find time to yank. The feeling of their members meeting in desperate caresses, almost made both men come right away. Ken took Ran's right leg; lifting it at his waist and without warning, let his pulsating organ invade that body so willingly to receive him.

A suave moan was heard from Ran at the exact moment he was being invaded and both of them stopped their kisses and caresses to face each other. Kissing again Ken's face, Ran let his lover know that he was ready for this and Ken begun to move in slow, increasing the pace at each thrust. Ran's hands came to grip his shoulders, trying to lean on the wooden door where he was taken, while Ken helped him holding his waist and the leg that wrapped up at Ken's waist.

In a final thrust Ken let all of his hot seed spill inside Ran's body, moaning loud at the same time Ran let his seed spill against their covered torsos with a muffled cry at Ken's shoulder. Getting at a normal pace, Ken let himself out of Ran's body and caressed that face so flustered, feeling the hot and fast breathing in his own face. With light kisses, he felt all of Ran's face, who seemed to wake up from his caresses and responded him with the same errand kisses.

Yanking the slicked shirt Ran wore, Ken discarded it together with his, letting both naked at the penthouse's main entrance. Smiling child-like to his redhead lover, he took his hand, calling him to go inside of the room they would spent that night.

"Come on, let's take a bath. We're slicked this way." He said, puling Ran's hand, who came right behind him smiling timidly.

Getting inside of the hot water previously prepared by the hotel's crew, waiting for someone to stay at the last moment in one of their expensive rooms, Ran and Ken let themselves only to rest wrapped by the heat that emanated from the tub. Closing the eyes, Ran let himself be at ease, when he felt hands on his hair, tugging his braid, freeing the scarlet tresses. Soft kisses were left on his face while those fingers traced his hair delicately.

"Are you feeling comfortable?" Asked the husky voice, closer to his ear, making him shiver slightly while those sweet kisses and caressing fingers on his hair never ceased. Ran answered with a brief nod and Ken begun his new assault, taking his mouth in an almost hungry kiss. His hands roamed Ran's back now, descending until them cupped his bottom, feeling and bringing him closer to the hazel-eyed man.

"I'll never get enough of you… Ran…" He said, looking at the man with beautiful violet eyes opened, looking through him almost as if they could see all of his most well hidden secrets.

"I earned for your touch all those months…" Said Ran, inclining to kiss his red lips, while his arms embraced him by the shoulders. "And I still am." The suave kiss became hotter and soon both were immerse in an exchange of heating kisses and stimulating caresses. While Ken's hands gripped Ran's bottom, Ran's hands roamed at Ken's torso, pinching his erect nipples, making him squirm with pleasure and intensify the caress until his middle finger get at the timid entrance of Ran's body.

"Ken…" He moaned, feeling the intimate caress taking all of his senses. A second finger added and Ran searched for Ken's mouth, taking his lips again fiercely, feeling the entrance of another finger while on that almost desperate kiss. Touching again Ken's nipples, he made the man almost jump when his mouth connected with them, licking slowly and letting his teeth scrapple each one.

"Are you trying to make me crazy?" Asked Ken huskily, never letting his fingers go.

"As long as you keep on driving me mad." Answered Ran, loosing his initial shyness to lift himself slightly, separating Ken's fingers from his body, to lower himself at the ready and pulsating organ that took him immediately.

Ken let a hoarse cry escape, taking Ran's waist and searching his mouth to kiss him again, letting both of them with sore lips. Moving a first time faster than Ran expected, Ken made him moan louder than the first time they joined that night. Another sudden and fast movement and Ken was almost pounding inside Ran's body, who made the same movements, but in the contrary direction, to increase the friction and the pleasure. The movements became faster and both men where trying to bring the pleasure as soon as possible. Ran's moaning louder than before, accompanying Ken's moans and fast breathing, their bodies movements, the feel of the other in a intimate company, the sore lips kissing each other, tongues exploring mouths, all making both men fell at the haziness of the pleasure. Another hoarse cry left Ken's throat, while Ran moaned breathless.

Letting the heat and tiredness from the climax undo slowly, both men wrapped each other in a tired embrace until their breathing became normal again and their voices could function properly.

"I won't let you go away from me this night." Said Ken embracing Ran stronger while he retired himself inside of his body, making him shiver again.

"I am all yours." Ran said, kissing his face and letting the man wash his hair now unbraided and wet. Soon he got a washcloth and begun to wash Ken until both men were clean to get out of the tub.

Drying himself with the towel, Ken wrapped in a robe at the same time Ran did the same thing, only that the he used a towel to dry his hair. Taking the redhead's hand, Ken guided him until the room where was the bed and made Ran sit at the stool in front of the dresser, taking the comb and freeing the long hair from the towel, beginning to comb it with all care.

While he did this, Ran let his eyes close, only to feel that almost too forbidden pleasure. The violet-eyed man never thought that some day in his life he would feel the hands of a lover caressing him this way. He never thought that someone could wake some kind of feeling in him again, after all those years spent in solitude.

Ken's mouth connected with his at the next moment he finished to comb the long tresses. Immediately Ran accompanied him in the kiss, letting himself be guided to the bed, where he fell at his back with Ken's body above his. The kiss seemed to never end, the sweetness seemed to never end, making both lovers never get enough of each other this night. Just like the other times they had sex, never having a time to take a nap, as if with the new day, all of this would end.

Resting from their last climax, tired enough to make any other movement, both men where entwined in each other, only hearing their soft breaths. Ran used Ken's chest as a pillow, listening the calm heartbeats, while Ken caressed that long tresses which seemed to fascinate him. Both eyes went to the window, to see the faint light of the new day and the falling snow. It was the day before Christmas. Closing their eyes almost at the same time, both men fell asleep, with the soothing presence of the other.

They woke up after the 2 pm. It was still snowing. Taking only a bath, both men dressed with the hotel robes while Ken asked for the room service to clean their clothes and bring their so neglected breakfast, which was turning in almost dinner, seeing the time.

At the table, Ken and Ran ate in silence, as if the sound of their voices could break the harmonious atmosphere in which each of them lost inside the other's eyes. Shy smiles and intense looks were the pleasant substitutes of their voices until the end of the meal, when Ken took Ran's hand and wrapped the other man with him in an embrace so lengthy.

Ken left sweet kisses in Ran's face, feeling the heat rising between both again. But this time he only wanted to enjoy the silent and so shy company of the other. The night before was… something he could never imagine to happen. He never felt so much desire and lack of control towards someone like it was with Ran. It was different. There were something more, but he would be dead before to admit what it was.

"I wasn't planning this… when I asked your company yesterday…", said Ken, looking inside of those eyes so deep. "I just… wanted to be by your side on my birthday. I only wanted to enjoy my day at the side of a friend." Lifting his hand, he caressed Ran's face, going through the hair still wet from their last bath.

"And how do we stand now, Ken?" Asked Ran, looking through him with those eyes that would never forgive a false explanation. "We're still… friends? Or it was something you'd do with anyone?" His voice was calm, not wanting to disturb their closeness, but eyes demanding the truth.

Ken smiled and, caressing his face, kissed him on the lips sweetly.

"I'd like to say that nothing changes… that we're still friends… However, it was obvious that we have something more than just friendship…" He said, guiding Ran to the comfortable armchair and standing up before him. "I wont lie about this, Ran. Every time I am near you, I feel something that escapes of my control. Every time you give me your rare smiles, it's as if my life makes sense. And to be with you, so intimately, is almost as if I can touch the Heaven's Gate."

The tears came almost imperceptive. Ran felt first the sting pain on his chest and the burning on his eyes. Soon, more tears made company to the first ones, startling Ken who immediately knelt before him, taking the chair arms where Ran sat.

"Ran… I'm sorry, Ran… I never wanted to make you cry. I know I said too much… But I just-" Before he could finish, Ran took his lips in a desperate kiss, letting his tongue get inside of Ken's mouth almost too fiercely. Letting go the kiss, the redhead only embraced him by the neck, letting his head fall on Ken's shoulders, who felt the heat of the new tears.

"I don't know what I can do now, Ken… I am so confused… I feel happiness and sadness at the same time… I can't deal with all of these emotions… It's been a long time since someone made me feel again… Moreover, I fear that all of this could only be a dream. A dream that will end when we get out of this room."

With trembling hands, Ken cradled Ran's face between them, making their eyes to meet each other.

"Are my words the cause of your happiness?" Asked Ken carefully while his thumbs made slow circles through Ran's cheeks.

"Yes." Answered Ran in a whisper only to Ken's ears.

Ken felt his heart skip a beat with that affirmation and smiled openly to him.

"I feel the same thing, Ran." He said, never letting those eyes, which looked so deeply at him. "However… your sadness is my sadness too. I don't know what we can be out of this room to each other. Unless you want me. As your lover."

More tears formed in Ran's eyes and a shy smile formed on his reddened lips.

"Yes." He said, embracing Ken in a fierce hug, feeling the heat of the other's tears make company with his.

Never wanting to let the other go, Ken and Ran stayed the rest of the afternoon snuggling on the sofa until the dinnertime. Soon, they went to the bed, where they only slept together, in a comfortable embrace. The next day, they reclaimed their vows, almost fearful that all could have been a dream. It was like a Christmas present, the company of each other and their recently discovered feelings, that neither wanted to name yet, just to feel it while it was safe, wishing that this could last forever.

At the first light of the 26th, Ken drove Ran to his house, letting his redhead lover on the front gate of the large propriety. The large house that belonged to Ran's family, where he now lived alone. Kissing Ran's lips he said briefs goodbyes, warning that would be possible they wouldn't meet at the end of this day, and waited for the redhead to enter at the house to start up the bike and go home.


End file.
